Summer Soak: Love is not Rude

Happy Tuesday! We are excited to gather with sisters at our shop and here on the blog.

Did you catch yourself being rude this week? Maybe someone was rude to you? Either way, love is never rude in behavior or speech. Love is not disrespectful.

A short internet search for the opposite of rude includes words like gentle, polite, refined, kind, polished, and respectful. Love is gentle, kind, respectful, and love refines.

Let’s share how God’s love is refining us when it comes to rudeness.

Stacy says:

“Honey, do you know where the tape measure is?” My husband asked as he pulled open the drawer.

Let’s just say, “No, but let me help you find it,” was NOT my answer. Instead, I sighed loudly, rolled my eyes, and gave a response full of attitude.

“You don’t have to be rude about it,” he stated matter-of-factly.

He was right. I didn’t have to be rude, but I was. I apologized to my husband, and he graciously let it go, but I couldn’t. Lately, I’ve noticed my responses can be a little biting when it comes to my husband. It’s hard to admit, even harder to type on a page because this is not really about rudeness.

My rude behavior is only a symptom of a deeper issue. The issue is respect, and somehow I’ve allowed disrespect to creep into my heart, and I don’t like it. Not. One. Bit.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:24

This is not a lesson on submission in marriage, and I don’t want to get into what submission means in its entirety. But I can tell you, no matter how you define submission… respect is at the heart of it.

I will never be able to love my husband the way God calls me to if I don’t respect him.

Lord, I recognize I have a respect issue, and I’m sorry. Yank it out and help me to change. Show me how to love others more by respecting them. Remind me every single person is Your creation and Your child. I want to love them the way You do Jesus… Amen.

Carol says:

Well, it must be contagious!

As the homework asked, I considered who I am most often rude to. The answer came quickly. Far too quickly. My husband.

It just seems the closer we are to someone, the more intimate the relationship, the more likely we are to be rude.

The motivation for my rudeness to the one I love most in this world is multi-faceted. Rudeness spews forth when I’ve felt slighted. Neglected. Unheard. Unimportant. Pride is also a source of rude behavior when it comes to my husband. I’m guilty of a lack of humility when it comes to strengths I have that he doesn’t. I’m fairly sure unmet expectations spur on curt remarks, silence, a cabinet door shut harder than necessary. And let’s not forget when things don’t go my way. Rudeness connected to not getting my way can find its origin in pure selfishness (me wanting what I want when I want it) or fear (not trusting him with decisions). I’m sure there are more, but in His grace, He’s letting me stop here.

The funny thing is, the exercise came from a prayer meditation He inspired for the Spirit of Love session we did a few months back. In turn, it inspired the sister for this series, Summer Soak. The words He had me write here on the blog have come back to convict. In His wisdom, He brought them back to my attention so I could grow in love for my husband. (I’m a very slow learner!)

I’ve begun asking Him to reveal my motives. Unbind my heart from rudeness. And the question the sister added — Do you respect this person? — just rubs salt in the newly opened wound.

Do I respect my husband? Good question. In a lot of ways I do… but clearly, there are areas where I don’t. What a sad thing to have to admit.

Father God, what a mess I am. Thank You for Your grace and conviction, the revelation of darkness where there is supposed to be light. Do Your spiritual surgery on my heart. Remove the hardened scar I’ve let develop in my relationship with the one who completes me and restore it to a new love free from expectations and selfishness.

Our culture makes rudeness a national pastime in terms of sarcastic jokes and cutting comebacks. Most popular sitcoms take place in suburban homes with the wives constantly cutting down their husbands, and husbands slighting their wives, behind their backs, with their buddies. It’s a far cry from love.

Marriage is the single human relationship God uses as a picture of Christ and His Bride, the church. It is sacred.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. … Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word… In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Ephesians 5:22-30 ESV

The enemy hates anything divine, and he comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. Do not allow him to set up a stronghold in your marriage or that of a loved one, not even a foothold. Begin taking a stance against rudeness when it comes to all marriage relationships. It’s just not funny. And it’s certainly not loving.

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